Monday, January 25, 2010

Aamir Khan makes stunning IPL announcement

Last night, Bollywood actor, Aamir Khan called an ad-hoc press conference and announced he was going to float his own IPL franchise (after thrashing out last minute details with Lalit Modi) and has bought out all the Pakistan players who weren't even bid for by other IPL franchises.

"In light of Shah Rukh Khan's shallow display of respect for Pakistani players, I have decided to float a new IPL franchise and intend to field all the Pakistan players who weren't bought by any other IPL teams. I intend to go one step further; I will also add Afghanistan players because if SRK's family is from Pakistan, I will claim my family traces its origins to the great emperors from Afghanistan.

It depresses me that people like SRK say words for the sake of cheap publicity, and don't walk their talk. As you can see, like in my movies -- be it 3 Idiots or Taare Zameen Par -- I walk the talk making you people look like wimps. I am a flawless person not just on screen, but even off it. When I said, 'Be the Change' in press conferences prior to Rang De Basanti, I wasn't kidding. This IPL is just the beginning. As pointed out earlier, I am looking into the prospect of having a crater in the sun named after me. They say it's impossible, but hey, if I could convince Mr. Modi and float an additional franchise for IPL 3, naming a crater in the sun after me should be a cake walk. As I've always said, one must shoot for the stars. The sun is a star, and, er, I am actually shooting for it. Also when I titled Taare Zameen Par, I actually meant--"

At this point, a stray dog barked bringing an abrupt end to Aamir Khan's statement that had begun to ramble; it was ad-hoc after all, and in true Phunsuk Wangdu style, he held it out in the open.

A reporter took this opportunity to question the legality of floating a new franchise, to which he bristled, "Shah Rukh can say anything and get away with it. But when I actually do something in action, I get criticised for it. In fact, at least this idea was completely original. How dare you question my honesty? Journalism has lost all sense of ethics. Maybe I will make a movie on journalistic integrity, like season 5 of the Wire, but with me explaining to you how to do your job properly."

"Er, but sir," interjected another reporter, "what will you do to fill the other designated Indian player slots?"

"That's simple, I will make Mohammed Kaif captain and let him pick the best players."

At this point, the dog -- which was now found to be a dachshund, and visibly upset for some reason -- came charging towards Aamir Khan at full tilt and so the press conference had to be curtailed, leaving behind a cloud of dust and a lot of unanswered questions.
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